I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize