First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize