In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
