You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i think i just lost a toe
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
