there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
