I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
