Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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