yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
