You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
vagina is talking i cant
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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