I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
