I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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