I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize