any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
