I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
