The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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