I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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