White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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