So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
