Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
