dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
