Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Fuck me I smell like cheese
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
