just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
