phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
