Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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