Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
