For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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