i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
