If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
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