i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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