Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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