she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
