He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
