come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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