only if we run a train.
done.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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