i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
