Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Enjoy the penises
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
