We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
