is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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