I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
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