strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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