According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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