You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
