just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just googled if crying burns calories
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
