I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i wish my penis had a tongue
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
