Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
