just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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