i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
