From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
