after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
