I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
not ubering you a puppy
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
