Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
