i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
