He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
