Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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