apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
