pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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