he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
