we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
