I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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