Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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