Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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