As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
