Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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