Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
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