One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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