I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
