DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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