I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My bed smells like the plague
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize