Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My dick has a subreddit
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
