I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
