You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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