then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
