i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
