im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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