I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
